Parenting | Harsh Reality

Different Children Call for Different Styles of Parenting

Parenting has its ups and downs. There is no handbook on parenting, no standard set of rules for which every parent will use to rear their children. Every child is different. One parenting style may work for one child, whilst a sibling requires a completely different approach. Knowing your parenting style is important to the growth of your children.

There are four approaches to parenting that psychologists frequently use to describe the various ways in which adults parent their offspring. These are authoritarian, authoritative, permissive and uninvolved.

The authoritarian style is a very strict way of ruling children. It is a very old fashioned way of parenting which involves harsh punishment if children do not follow the rules. Parents who rule in this manner expect to be obeyed no matter what.

The authoritative style of parenting involves a democratic approach to children following a set of rules. Unlike the authoritarian style, if a child fails to follow a rule, the parent is much more forgiving and does not dish out harsh punishment. Although this does not mean that they do not hand out any punishment at all.

The permissive style of parenting is one which places very few demands on a child. A child is rarely disciplined and has few expectations of it.

The uninvolved style of parenting is when a parent is rarely involved with the child. This means that they exhibit low responsiveness and there is little communication between parent and child.

The authoritative style of parenting is deemed the most successful as it produces children who are happy, capable and successful across all life domains.

Benefits of Online Colleges for Troubled Teens

Parents of adolescents can attest to the fact that these years cause the most stress for both parent and child. The physical changes occurring during this time in a child’s life are reason enough for this. The physical changes sometimes cause psychological problems as well. These may manifest into problems in high school.

Today, we know more about individual learning styles and social developments of teenagers than we did previously. No matter how smart or how academically advanced our children are, there are changes that occur in adolescents that may require special attention, or even a new learning environment where these troubled teens can thrive.

Because a lot of the problems begin to show up in social settings among teens and their peers in high school, allowing kids to continue their schooling online after graduation at a reputable educational center like elearners.com, can go a long way in resolving problems in a social situation. The good news is that when teens grow into young adults, problems with peers seem to disappear as quickly as they appeared.

If a teen has a few friends they spend a lot of time talking to, and hanging out with, but seemed to run into problems in high school with others, receiving a college education online, is the perfect solution. They are free to learn without stressing over the problems of large crowds. They can learn at a comfortable pace that is right for them as well.

Teens growing up today have many advantages their parents did not have. Attending school online is one of the more advantageous ones for troubled teens.

When Parents Disagree on Household Rules

When it comes to raising children, consistency is the key to discipline, and to the adherence of household rules. Unfortunately, there are times when both parents cannot agree on everything. If parents quarrel over the rules continually, it is more detrimental to the child that any rule parents may disagree on.

There are several ways for parents to work out their differences, which may require time and patience, but are worth it in the end. The first thing parents should do is to go over the rules they cannot agree on, without bickering. Parents should write down these rules and the reasons for conflict.

The next thing parents should do is to hold a family meeting that includes all school-aged children. Children this age already follow school rules and have a basic understanding about consequences of breaking rules.

At the family meeting, discuss the responsibilities of each family member. Parents can then move on to the rules that they both agree on. This can include family chores and set times for these chores, and for bedtime and mealtimes. Allowing the children to provide their input will let parents know if they can make adjustments.

Without letting the children know about the disagreements on specific rules, parents can speak generally about the subject of the rules, and ask for feedback from the children. Parents can take what they learn from each other and from their children, and attempt to reach a compromise.

It may take several meetings before parents can reach a compromise on certain rules, but involving the entire family into a discussion will help parents to see more clearly what they disagree on, and why. Bringing the children in on the discussion without having shouting matches, can shed light on how to be consistent on major issues, and when to be a little more lenient on less important ones.

Being a Parent and a Friend to your Adult Child

Parents of several children have an easier time transitioning from the parent of a child to the parent of an adult child, than those parents of an only child.

This happens for several reasons:

· Having a child later in life
· An only child does not share parents with another
· Parents raise their firstborn different from the way their parents raised them

Parents, who have only one child in their late twenties or early thirties, are going through a change in their lives at the same time their child is becoming an adult. As parents go through their middle years, their adult child is beginning to understand who they are.

Parents with only one child, as opposed to several children, continue to worry about their child as they move from adolescent to young adult mainly because their time and attention is not concentrated on other children at home. They may also wish to continue inserting themselves in their adult child’s life, which may seem intrusive to the adult child.

When their grown child makes mistakes, parents should try to remember what it was like for them when they were at the age their adult child is. Recalling the mistakes they made and the lessons learned from their experiences is helpful for parents. It is okay for parents to guide and advise their child who is now an adult, as long as they realize they may not follow their advice.

If an adult child knows, they have their parents’ love and support in whatever decisions they make, their relationship can turn into a friendship that benefits both parent and child. Staying involved with your child’s life, at any age, can be rewarding for both parents and children, as long as parents remember that their child is no longer a child.

Gaining and Keeping Authority over Children

Ever since Dr. Benjamin Spock, the first pediatrician to study psychoanalysis in children, instructed parents to be more flexible when disciplining children, parents began worrying about more than simply what to feed their babies, and when to put them to bed.

Not taking into account the unique personalities of small children, flexible parenting may cause parents to question who is in charge, them, or the children. Although a small child may have an easy-going nature, it could change when they reach the age of eleven or twelve, the pre-teen years.

If parents are too flexible with their child from the beginning, by the time they reach that critical stage just before becoming a teenager, they can become impossible to control and may engage in reckless behavior. On the other hand, if a parent is too strict with a child at an early age, the child’s personality or outside influences may cause them to rebel against the parents and the rules of the house. The trick is to find a way to balance between permissiveness and firmness.

From the start, parents must stick to rules regarding safety. Obvious examples of this are not allowing children to play with matches, and not permitting the child to ride in the car without a seat belt on.

Parents may bend rules in order to keep the peace at certain times, such as having a child eat everything on their plate at mealtime, and going to bed the same time every night. There are always extenuating circumstances that warrant a slight change in the rules, and these need not lead to a child misunderstanding the initial rule.

As long as the small child understands the parent has the authority to change a house rule, older children and parents can develop a method for discussing certain rules and coming up with ways to modify them that will keep everyone safe and happy.

Be a Responsible Parent – Help Your Child Cope with Your Divorce

Divorce is a difficult process for everyone, especially for couples with kids. It is better to try to make up the differences as much as possible for the sake of the children. However, if the divorce is inevitable, it can be really stressful for the children involved. One can imagine the emotional state of a child that is witnessing the separation of his loved ones.

The reaction children have on divorce can vary depending upon their age and circumstances. For a child, who is leading a happy life with loving parents, the news of a divorce can come as a shock. For parents, filling for divorce can be a mutually agreed and friendly decision, but their children might see it as a fiasco.

The effect of divorce on a child largely depends on the way he/she comes to know about it. Parents should plan beforehand when and what they are going to tell their kids about the divorce. Children have all the right to know the reasons for which their parents are getting divorced. However, parents should give an explanation based on the age of their children to help them understand the best. Also, words, such as the family will work together and they still love them can be comforting to children.

Divorce can be really bad for children if it is a long-drawn and bitter situation. For parents who believe that they alone can’t sit aside and talk out their differences, they can hire a divorce attorney to help them make things easier. Partners can hire a collaborative divorce attorney for helping them in filling for divorce and making the process as smooth as possible for the betterment of their children.

A child can feel secure and loved even after the parents are divorced if the parents commit to make things as healthy as possible. After all, children are the first priorities for every parent above their own needs and preferences.

Ways to Discipline that Benefit Both Parent and Child

Adults are the not the only ones who know how to gain attention. Children do so without caring about what they have to do to get it. Even if a parent is constantly saying “No”, or “Stop that”, and rarely saying “Good job” or “Keep up the good work”, the parent is still giving their child attention.

What a parent needs to do is decide which behaviors they need to correct, which behaviors they should praise, and which ones they should ignore completely. If a parent carefully observes their own behavior toward their child for a few days, making lists of every time they scolded the child, and every time they praised their child, a pattern will emerge.

After reading over the lists, a parent decides on three things, what their child does that they want to see less, what their child does that they want to see more, and what their child does that should warrant no response whatsoever.

A parent should immediately stop any behavior a child engages in that could be harmful to the child or to another, or that damages property. If a parent takes the time to praise their child when they perform an action on the list a parent wants to see more of, the child will catch on quickly, and will repeat the behavior.

Ignoring misbehavior intended to simply annoy, upset, or gain attention from the parent, is difficult for some at first. If a parent is consistent in not giving in attention-getting behavior by ignoring it, a child will eventually get the idea that these actions will get them nowhere.

By doing these things, a parent will discover they are correcting their child less, their child is behaving appropriately more often, and that makes parenting easier.

Reducing Stress Associated With Child Discipline

One of the most difficult parts about being a parent is learning how to properly discipline your child. Disciplining your child can be made even more difficult when you try to figure out exactly what your child understands and realizes what they did wrong. So how does a parent figure out what to punish a child for and what to push aside as a lack of understanding on the child’s part?

One of the best ways to understand what to discipline the child for and what to brush aside is to research the different stages of child development. These stages will help you understand exactly what your child is going through and how their body and brain are developing. When you realize what they should be able to understand and what is still too advanced for them to grasp, you can figure out when you should punish them and when you shouldn’t.

It might seem like a lot of work to research the various stages of development, but it can really be beneficial to you and your child. If you administer punishments for actions your child cannot comprehend, it will only lead to frustration on your part for your child not stopping the actions and frustration on the child’s part because they don’t understand. When you understand what they can understand at each developmental stage, it will help you tailor your structure for disciplining your child so they can learn from their actions.

The best way to read and understand these different developmental stages for your child is to ask your pediatrician. Pediatricians can help you understand exactly how your child is developing and what they should and should not be able to comprehend and understand. Some pediatricians will even have pamphlets or printouts discussing the different stages of development for parents. It is a good idea to ask about this information at your child’s checkup.

What to Do When Your Kids Act Up

If you’re a parent, you know how challenging it can be to deal with a kid who misbehaves. Some kids know how to push your buttons just right, and sometimes it’s all too easy to lose your temper and punish your child ineffectively.

So what do you do (and not do) when your kid is acting up and you want him to stop? Try these tricks of the trade:

- Stay calm. While yelling or spanking may be a quick fix, it almost always backfires and causes even more problems. So before you raise your voice, take a deep breath and count to ten before you say or do something you regret.

- Try time-out. Many moms have had success with time-out. It lets both the parents and the kids cool off. Time out should not be a time for kids to relax in their rooms and play with toys; that’s not much of a punishment. Have a time-out chair set aside and set a timer; no more than a few minutes for toddlers.

- Pick your battles. In other words, don’t sweat the small stuff. Sometimes, kids will feel picked on if you are constantly punishing them for every little thing. So while you shouldn’t ignore it if your toddler hurls his shoe in anger at his baby sister, it’s better to let some things go. Remember, kids have bad days too!

- Take away privileges. For older kids, taking away privileges such as video games or playing outside with friends after school can be very effective. Grounding older kids can also be an effective punishment for misbehavior.

- Get to the root of the problem. Sometimes, misbehavior can be something as simple as a way to get attention or jealousy over a new sibling. Finding the root of the problem and then addressing that is an effective deterrent to misbehavior too.

These are a few effective ways to handle misbehavior.

What is the best way to tell your children that you’re getting remarried?

Anyone who has been there can tell you – marriage is tough. Most of the time, the work is worth the effort, but occasionally, things don’t work out. This isn’t a bad thing or a good thing – it’s just something that happens. Though we’d like to stop them from being affected, children are often the ones that feel and observe the most about these kinds of life transitions.

One of the most important things a person getting remarried can do aside from browsing new wedding rings, is to appropriately and sensitively communicate this change if she or he has children. The important attributes which should be practiced by everyone involved in the re-marriage process is honesty. Without that, walls go up and trust degrades.

The first thing to do when telling your teenager or younger children about your plan to re-marry is to be open about your feelings. Occasionally some bitterness may linger from past marriages, so you don’t want to let any residual resentment linger and create ideas of wrongful motivation for re-marriage. This is where honesty and tact are of the utmost importance.

Secondly, you want to provide a forum in which your children can feel free to communicate their own feelings and thoughts. When stunted or silenced vocally, children have a tendency to turn their feelings inward. Even if their thoughts are hard to hear, sensitivity again becomes indispensable.

Thirdly, provide your children with options. Even in their pre-teen and teenage years, children often have a keen sense of intuition and wisdom, though they might not know it themselves. Because entering in a new home presents the uncertainty of change, children may show some signs of regression, but be patient and assure them with your words and your actions that everything is just fine.

Change is a guaranteed part of life, and but it doesn’t have to be insurmountable.